There Are Many Journeys in Every Life Time
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Only unconditional love has the power to move mountains and make men out of boys, and whilst I know I’m not there yet, I’m happy with my progress thus far.
For I set out on a journey one day across barren lands, nay waste lands and landscapes simply drenched in fear. Where nothing grew and everything was fruitless, for hope in all that we once were had been wrenched from our grasps. Only to be replaced by desolation and destruction of all that we had once known. Where despair and anarchy towards that which was unfolding was the only common bond that set decency and the currency of insanity in our nation apart. All brought about by a lunatic tribe of short sighted blue mocking birds the likes of which had fooled the masses with promises that they’d get the nation back to work with a host of fatuous mantras. Only to be ditched almost immediately once power has been secured, whilst focusing their effort moving forward upon conquering all before them. With the vengeance of an unstoppable fire storm of pure hatred against those who paradoxically had placed their trust in them. Such were the times and the legacy of wasted lives that unfolded.
I spent many years in that cesspit of waste doing my very best to grow and survive, until one day I stumbled down a sandy lane, the result of a detour the reason for, I had no idea. Yet down that track I was astonished to discover ranks of shimmering doves on either side of me, with one in particular as pure as the driven white snow. Whilst all the other doves simply flirted with me with intent, the pure white simply beckoned me, with great hilarity. Hey, hey my samson how are you? Please let me tease you and play with your lions mane, at least before you turn your back and walk away from me. Therein she playfully gestured towards me whispering that for sure we were destined to meet along this sandy lane blowing me a kiss and singing; Samson, samson come closer gently. You’ll like it my samson and I can assure you of that and all that you’ll ever need to be, is the gentle, funny and generous soul that we both know you to be. Hey my samson, my samson please don’t turn away, for we were meant to be and you know that full well and we both know that for you there can be no running away from anything in this life. Samson, hey Samson, come here my dearest Samson I’ve been waiting here patiently for you to appear for years.
At first my gaze stayed firmly focused, upon the journey that lay before me, a journey through my confusion and anger whilst carrying my heavy loads. For I had far to many untangled thoughts deep inside my head and didn’t even like who I was. That was until I could resist no more, the sweetness of her embrace and her kindly calls, with the promise of better times ahead. Therein to revel in the company of my beautiful snow white dove. For it seemed that at long last I had found true love, for this was my time and my season. A time to relax, to let go and to rejoice in all that could be, for everything began to make sense. Unfortunately however, how wrong could I be. For with great sadness my snow white dove spoke to me one day, with head hung low. Gently saying; my samson, my dear samson I must leave you soon and you my love must let me go. I’m diseased my samson no cure for me and my time in this place is now behind both of us. But don’t you ever cry for me my dear samson or for what could have been. For we will meet again and in that you must place all your love, for you are my samson and love never dies. I will love you mr dear samson forever and with all of my heart, for you are my warrior and my pure lion heart. You are my honey my samson and better than any man on this planet. Yet in that moment and despite all her kind words, my heart was broken and into a million pieces. I knew that no matter whatever happened to me be it good or bad in the future. Nothing would or could ever be the same again for such was my devastation. Save for accepting that in all my blessing I’d received albeit in my greed only the briefest insight into love and all its endless possibilities. Therein I knew that I was one very unlucky and yet most “exalted” young man and certainly amongst my peers.
With a heart full of sadness and heavy loads upon my back, I set off once more across; barren landscapes, seas and foreign shores. Where I lived in deserts, man made steel, oil and concrete hells and a permafrost nomadic isolation was my soup of the day. A period in I which spent much time, in the company of wise men and far to many two legged rats where I learned so much about many things whilst my heart cried and cried all the while. Yet as the years sped by, my strength it was failing at pace and I could find no succour in or from all the learning I’d undertaken. I was therefore inclined to return back to from whence I came, whereupon and to my surprise I was greeted by green fields anew and fresh fresh air too. The landscape I’d bid farewell to in my youth and in my strength had been reborn and it’s people one more had smiles on their faces. For the blue mocking birds had finally been extinguished, unfortunately not for good, yet eagerly replaced if only for a while. By resplendent and vibrant multicoloured macaws, creatures who possessed completely different values to the lunatics they’d replaced.
My homeland was filled with hope again and its people were rebuilding their lives and their dreams. Yet I still wandered endlessly in search of something to fill the void deep down inside me. As I searched I finally stumbled upon a clearing which contained a bright shinny brook and there concluded to rest if only for a while. As I began drinking from that brook, a magpie did leap forth from the sky and asked how I was doing and I said just fine. Whereupon she chattered endless to me about who she was, the people that she’d lived with and how beautiful she was and how I’d be very lucky if she agreed to accompany me on wherever my journey was about to take me. She chattered endlessly about what she wanted from life, including all her needs and endless and often tiresome self centred greed’s. She chatted so much that I lost all sense of reality, including my own unique sense of personal identity which I found all highly alarming then and even more so now.
Before I knew it however, I was tight within her grasp, giving all of myself yet to the detriment of my health. I was so enthralled by this magpie and the potential that she insisted she possessed. That I quickly found that she’d stolen my heart, no ripped straight out of my chest. That sacred crown jewel which I’d guarded so well, over 15 long years. Yet she’d wrestled it free from my grasp within 2 months of our connection. All part of her amoral and overtly cunning and premeditated postulations around love and selfless giving etc. Which meant that I kept giving and she kept taking and as for love, well that meant absolutely nothing to her at all. At the point that I realised the full extent of her trickery I tried for all my worth to pull myself free. Yet such was her hold over me that I felt totally disempowered, in fact all my realities became so surreal. Where nothing she did made one jot of sense to me and yet when challenging the magpie, she was always happy to claim that the sanity flaws lay squarely with me and not her. For she was so highly evolved, in all her perfection and therein I should be indebted to her for the great insight that she was bestowing upon me and so generously into the bargain.
When she had no further use for me, she lead me one day into a deep dark wood, whereupon she pushed me straight into the poachers snares and killing fields to die there all alone. Once ensnared she abandoned me there amongst this tangled mess, whilst ignoring all my anguished cry’s for help. In that dark, dark soul destroying place all I had for company was my strength of resolve and little else if I’m being totally honest. Whilst out there before me and as I fought for my life, she busied herself chattering away to any willing passer by, who was foolish enough to give her a second glance. Her interest nothing more than to; entice, enslave and then move on and as for me not one tear did she shed, for I was only one more notch on her headboard.
As lay in my snares for what seemed an eternity, racked in almost unbearable pain and self defeating insanity, a bright bubbly little robin one day came along and gently said to me. Hey mr can I help you out there, because you look like you could use a friend and I’m here if you need me and more than happy to help in any way that I can. Whereupon she quickly set about helping me to free myself through many years of tears and pain, until one day when all that was left were the scares and fragility imposed upon me by all my many years of suffering. When free she quickly lead me to her home with a skip in her flight and an angelic gravitas about her which simply blew me away. Her magnificent was so beautiful, so loving and so full of the right sort of life, that she simply melted the pain from my heart and filled me once again with love anew. Once at her home however I quickly discovered that she had problems too. For her oldest chick who was neither a chick, nor a robin like his mum or indeed filled with grace. He was simply a big fat adult cuckoo who she’d been deluded into allowing him to simply taken centre stage in her life and anyone who got close to him. A place of empowerment in which he simply revelled in, giving nothing back whilst barking out orders and bequests of feed me. An agenda of I want and then I want some more, all hidden under artificial thanks of sincerity and a “O isn’t he lovely grin”. Yet he wasn’t lovely indeed far from it and nothing ever filled his appetite and therein the game of ever greater demands, deceit, lies and damn lies continued day after day.
To be honest I found it all too hard to cope with because for me I’d never met anything or anyone quite like my little robin. For she was delightful, so sexy, so funny, so full of love and what’s more ever so charming. Nothing was ever destructive between us, no matter what life and life events conspired to throw into our mortal mix. Save only for the cuckoo in the background continually; planning and scheming whilst always to the detriment of both mine and my robin’s needs. A preoccupation which was the only thing that made our lives less than absolutely idyllic.
Therefore I did everything in my power to plicate the resident cuckoo where I could, for I’d always hoped that one day he’d simply wake up, tire and move on to richer pickings just like all cuckoos do. That was until I could no longer ignore the never ending wants of and from him, in particular upon mine and my robins well being. At which point I asked my little robin, to please, please wake and realise that this parasitic dependency must stop sooner rather than later. For it was time that the cuckoo started feeding himself my love, for he wasn’t hers, mine or our joint responsibility any longer. He was no longer a chick albeit he behaved like one constantly, for we too had a life to live together, yet a life that was passing us both by and actually far to quickly.
My little robin with eyes a streaming simply looked at me and with great sadness said; I’m sorry but he’s my cuckoo and I’m all that he’s got in this world and I simply can’t abandon him even though I understand all that you’re saying. Even though I know what you’re saying is from a place of deep love and above all both honourable and true. I simply can’t walk away from this and start a fresh with you, for this is his home and not yours and no matter how much I love you. He’s my son and as my son he’s one of my main reasons for living albeit he does frustrate me at times too.
We both knew at that point that our current journey together must end for our special bond of trust had been broken. In it’s place only shadows from there on would take the centre stage in our connection. As for the cuckoo well he was ecstatic, for he had ultimate control of my little robin once again, and no longer would the eagle pose a threat to his parasitic treachery.
Nevertheless and once again, with a heart completely in tatters and bereft save for the company of my inner wisdom telling me that it was indeed time for me to move on again. I found myself all alone in the world and knew from that point forward, no one would ever hurt or break my heart again for I was committed to a life of isolation. Where external forces of psychosis and greed would be replaced for ever by personal and spiritual inner peace.
So I set off for the wilderness and the lands of high fells saturated by rain, snow and crystal ice, where I felt that my soul could perhaps rest for a while and where I could begin the process of healing yet again.
Yet in the place of healing and although I knew my journey was far from over. I smiled to myself in the sure knowledge that of all the birds that I had met in my life thus far, including those I’ve perhaps yet to meet. None could and never will match the love and respect that I held and hold for my little robin.
For she who had least to give, gave all and from a place of pure love and without question, even to her own detriment and certainly where her cuckoo is concerned. As for me, well what is there to say, save for through my healing process I’ve come to terms with the fact that with the passage of time I’m simply an ageing, grumpy and ambiguously solo eagle. But hey what a journey and who knows, just where that journey will take me or if indeed one day perhaps there will be a happy ending.
Authors Concluding Notes
Life is a complex mix of so many emotions, each of which drift in duality in peaks and troughs, where love in all it’s beauty is the only reason a man would care to value mortality. Because of love I have been energised, broken and rebuilt three times in my life. All amidst seemingly never-ending pulsing streams of certainty, whilst wrestling all the while with all my very real and normal ambiguities.
Nevertheless and for broken hearts and issues around moving on from a broken relationship I use; Kunzite, Cavanasite, Citrine and even Imperial Topaz to help clients reclaim their own unique sense of entitlement. If you’d like to read more about my healing work click [ here ]
In the interim period and on all matters of the heart, rest easy in the knowledge that love has the power to set all our souls free and in the process help bring about so much personal growth. Such that we are lost without the greatest gift of all, the presence of unconditional love in every aspect of our daily lives. Amen
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Just so you know my “leading edge” shamanic teacher, supervisor and mentor is Briony Stott, click [ here ] to visit her website, a truly talented lady and a massive influence upon my own state of being.
Best wishes,
Barry Hardy MSc, FBEng, FCMI, I.Eng, MIET, P.Eng, FSPE, MBIFM, F.I.Diag.Eng.
Disclaimer
The information contained on this website and the products and services provided thereafter are considered for personal research only and should in no way be considered as an alternative to professionally qualified supervision. Clients therefore assume total responsibility for any and all actions taken by themselves or their representatives upon their behalf in relation to any materials, products or services provided via this website and its proprietor.
Copyright © 2007-2011 Barry Hardy, trading as Barry Hardy publications. All Rights Reserved. You may copy and redistribute this material so long as you do not alter it in any way and the content remains complete, credit is given to the author, and you include this copyright notice and links. http://www.raphaelslegacy.wordpress.com & http://www.barryhardy.com/
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