I Acknowledge My Anger and Reclaim My Power
Soul loss and loss or theft of ones personal power has the biggest impact upon our lives as mortals. Especially when that loss or theft happens through abuse or trauma during aspects our childhood. Because it sets in place a process of abuse which can dominate the rest of our life and yet as mortals we’re ill prepared to make any sense of our life’s psychotic events and apparent groundhog day challenges and realities.
Therein and like many I wasn’t really aware of the impact that soul loss and theft of personal power can have upon ones life, until that was I embarked upon my own shamanic healing journey. That being said and at the point that I began to reclaim missing aspects of lost soul and personal power, it also became clear that for the first time in my life. That I was able to acknowledge and simultaneously released all my pent-up subconscious anger which had previously presented as illness etc.
In fact this process of release began for me as soon as I committed to the healing process of “Recognising The Conscious Acts of My Mortality”. At which point my life dynamics changed completely and I changed accordingly, but you can read more on this subject by simply clicking [ here ]
The Process of Release Begins with Acknowledgement
Through my shamanic healing process I’ve both acknowledged and let go of much of the anger that I’ve had or have towards my father and my siblings. Deep anger, indeed anger so deep that it had never shown it’s face in my conscious realities. Save for it’s manifestation as chronic illnesses and health related impositions, including all sorts of difficult and often unnecessary life situations that I’ve been forced to work through.
That being said I now universally acknowledge in all my failings as a mortal that I have felt and feel great anger towards those who failed to love me, support me, respect me and protect me from harm as a child and thereafter. What’s more:-
I universally acknowledge in all my failings as a mortal that I’ve felt and feel anger towards my father who chose not to protect me from my mums illness by absolving himself of that illness. Whilst in that process proactively allowing me to carry all his moral and marital loads.
I universally acknowledge in all my failings as a mortal that I’ve felt and feel great anger towards my father. Because he did not protect me from the psychotic; physical and emotional abuse that was being covertly and continually imposed upon me by an older sibling throughout my childhood.
Therein I equally acknowledge that I have felt and feel great anger that at no point in my mortality, did my father during his entire 42 year tenure as my birth father. Ever stand up for me, or protect me from the psychical and emotional harm that so aggressively compromised my mortal vitality. Therein:-
I universally acknowledge in all my failings as a mortal that I’ve felt and feel anger towards my older sibling. For his conscious decision despite being better placed than me, not to love or support our mum during her illnesses.
Moreover for robbing me of my innocence and my sense of self as a child whilst in that conscious process simultaneously stealing all my power and hence disregarding all my mortal rights of a safe and secure home as a child.
Whats more I’ve felt and feel anger that my older sibling took all that I was able to offer at critical stages in both mine and his early mortality and that at no point has he ever sort to help me, love me, respect me or protect me.
Finally I’ve felt and feel anger that to this day he remains unable to move past his own personal limitations in terms of his opinions of and towards me. Therein he continues to refuse to accept or apologise for any and all of his despicable and cruel acts that he consciously committed towards me, as a child, adolescent, young man and chronically ill middle-aged man too.
I universally acknowledge in all my failings as a mortal that I’ve felt and feel greater anger towards my younger sibling. For her conscious acts of abstaining from our mums illnesses and equally for her disgraceful acts of attempting to destroy both me and our mum over many, many years with her lies and fabrications which result from her own deep seated dark and evil agenda.
Therein I’ve also felt and feel great anger about the way shes always conducted herself in the public arena, where malicious intent has always been her one and only constant companion. Moreover and in recent times for publicly, yet fatuously citing that; the physical and emotional abuse that I endured is all part of acceptable every day normal family life. Utter hypocrisy given she knows only to well that she would not accommodate such acts being imposed upon her offspring.
Whats more I feel anger that she too like my father and older sibling took all that I was able to offer and at no point ever sort to help me, love me, respect me or protect me. Equally I’ve felt and feel anger that at every stage of my life she’s betrayed me, belittled me and sort to cause me great harm whilst consciously always playing her; “poor me” and “shes the victim card”.
Reclaiming My Power, The End of The Beginning
Therein and whilst my abusers may seek to fatuously rewrite my history and of course their history too, because that appears to be the only option they’re prepared to accommodate in their dark hearts. It will not alter the fact that their actions were wrong and a betrayal of my love and my trust. A burden that for whatever reason they’ve chosen to carry, and good for them, because it was never my burden to carry in the first place.
Moreover and through my act of karmic cleansing, I acknowledge just who I am and more importantly just who I am not today. In doing so I hereby state that; I’m now reclaiming all my power. Indeed that power which was stolen from me in this life by those who share my DNA and all former abusers from all my former lives too.
Therein I’m closing all current and past life oaths, pacts and agreements, for this is the last time I will ever work through crap like this down here as a mortal again. Simply because I’m not prepared to spend what’s left of this and all my future mortalities going over the same baron ground of betrayal, abuse, suffering and pain. And the reason? Well and frankly I’m bored shitless with all that utter nonsense now and in truth there’s much more powerful ways to spend ones entire mortality, than simply living in a psychotic cesspit of despair and self healing.
So please don’t cross me, or indeed attempt to play your worn out games with me because you’ll find you’re in for a rude awakening. Because the child, adolescent and young man that you once abused so freely, is no longer vulnerable, naive or indeed lacking in personal power. In fact he’s matured into a mighty spiritual warrior, indeed a powerful soul with powerful work to do.
And just so you know, that warrior whilst still of good heart, will show you no compassion and absolutely no mercy either moving into the future. Simply because the lessons have been learned and the die has now been cast. Therein there can be no turning back and he fully accepts that now for the only burdens he must carry moving forward are those burdens that he owns.
As for the burdens of others, well I will simply quote the instruction given to me during two intense periods of low viltaility “Get on with it” nothing to do with me. Therein my view is to simply reflect that quote back onto it’s originators, because such a stance will either break them or make them. Either way I simply don’t care, all I know is they’ll never receive or steal any of my power again, for that karmic doorway is now closed. Amen
Authors Concluding Notes
The truly great thing about reclaiming ones power is that for the first time we’re able to see the great fear in others for what it truly is. That doesn’t however mean that we feel greater compassion towards them or indeed guilt for cutting them free. In fact and in my case, my revulsion of my abusers made the act of detachment a life changing experience. A process I’ve found beautiful, incredibly powerful and uplifting.
In summation, my act of; “Reclaiming My Power” indeed that power which was stolen from me as a child, commenced some time ago, but you can read more about that journey by simply clicking [ here ] where there are links to shamanic healing views and free publications by Kay Gilliard and Tom Kenyon respectively.
Barry Hardy MSc, FBEng, FCMI, I.Eng, MIET, P.Eng, FSPE, MBIFM, F.I.Diag.Eng.
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